The top 11 most annoying fails of everyday life

The bathroom door open

Tonight, you meet your in-laws for the first time. The dinner goes off without a hitch: you're polite and you even manage to be funny. However, at digestive time, the accumulated stress weighs on your intestines. You hold back the beast, but nothing to do: you file discreetly to the toilet. Once seated, you realize that you have not locked, and you hear the step of your mother-in-law. You seek to accomplish the feat of getting up without leaving the bowl. Your fingers brush the handle… Too late. Your mother-in-law opens the door. She looks at you, you look at her, she looks at you, you look at her, she suddenly closes and will try for the next six months to erase this image from her memory. In vain.

Our advice: stay locked in the toilet. It's better.

The failed check

You arrive in the evening. Goal: to look cool. That's good, you see your friend Mathieu chatting up a pretty blonde. The other time, you had made a very stylish check, which started with a lateral high five (literally a "five high", it's English) lateral, slipped into a Chinese arm wrestling position with a snap of your fingers and which ended in a fist bump, fist to fist. Well, it's jargon, but really it was stylish. You arrive in front of Mathieu with outstretched hand, and there you realize that he raises his fist to start with a fist bump. What the hell is he doing? As in slow motion, your two hands meet and you find yourself clasping Mathieu's closed fist in your hand. Next, the pretty girl sniffles, raising an eyebrow and then leaves. Failure.

Our advice: agree in advance. For the most original, there is always the possibility of a good handshake. And for the foufous: the kiss.

The wrong recipient

“I really want you, right now, right now. Meeting in the toilets of the 3rd. " Send. It'll be nice. Except that… you didn't send this email to the new intern but to the mailing list of the whole box. ALL. THERE. BOX. Only one thing left to do: call Pôle Emploi.

Our advice: send an email with the subject “It’s better with the attachment, lol” and add a porn photo.

Forgetting first name

“Hey! Hi Childeric, nice to see you. “Ah! Hey…uh…girl. » Dark look. At the same time, you understand the "girl" you just met in the street. She remembers your first name perfectly, but you are foolish to remember that her name is Marie. It's ugly. Especially since you have already "met" her four times at parties. Including one where you slept with her. Ouch.

Our advice: change your first name. Childeric is naughty. Then, only date people with the same name, or get your friends' names tattooed on your arm.

The swallowed ash

Good atmosphere, nice evening. There was just this weird moment when you missed your test with your friend Mathieu, but now you're safe with your cigarette. On the table next to you are a dozen beers, and yours. Without paying too much attention to it, you raise one, the wrong one. Another one. The weight matches, you drink. And there, it is the drama: in your beer, there are pieces. You drank the ash. You cough, you choke, you turn gray like the ash you just swallowed, and everyone looks at you laughing. Except the pretty blonde with whom Mathieu was talking when you arrived, and who passes next to you with a contemptuous pout. Nothing to do in these cases, except try somehow to hide the taste to vomit from the liquid version of the cigarette, and the bitter taste of your social failure. Cheers !

Our advice: quitting smoking is bad. Stop drinking too, especially beer, you'll gain belly. Or else, you can also buy yourself a real ashtray, it's made for.

>> Read also: Should we talk about his private life at work?

The elevator

Male name. Anticonversational box that goes up and down. Generating social discomfort since 1857.

Our advice: the stairs.

The Postilion

You chat with your rather cute next-door neighbor, it's going well. Asking him for salt was a great idea. And there, something escapes from your lips: a postilion. A stupid word to designate drool, in fact, which comes to life, jumps from your mouth and will plant itself in the middle of the forehead of your interlocutor. And from there he taunts you. No one talks about it, nothing seems to indicate that the person is aware of what has just happened, except for the light that briefly flashed in their eyes. So you continue the conversation knowing full well that you just spit on the hot neighbor, who knows it too.

Our advice: swirl your sputters seven times in your mouth before speaking

The gaping fly, the skirt in the tights

A little draft in your crotch is nice. That must mean you have your fly open. Too bad you're in front of your master's class, giving a presentation on the meaning of propriety. It's a bit like when the editorial manager of NEON had her skirt stuck in her tights for almost the entire interview with Kyan Khojandi, the humorist of Bref, for the first issue of the mag. And that she had walked up the stairs in front of him. Luckily, he found it funny and even told him that he was thinking of making a sketch of it. On the other hand, for you and your presentation, it's screwed.

Our advice: don't forget to wear underwear.

The birthday song

“Jooooooyy aaaaanniiiiversaiiiiiiiiire, jooooooyeux aaaaanniiiiversaiiiiiiiiire, jooooooyeux aaaaanniiiiversaiiiiiiiiire ​​person-in-the-name-in-general-much-too-long-for-this-song, jooooooyeux aaaaanniiiiversaiiiiiiiiire! Wooooooooooooooooooooo!! You see, even in writing, it's long and boring. In addition, they applaud because we blow out candles. Great. As if at 24 you didn't know how to do it. Fortunately, there is a gift, it comforts.

Our advice: when it's their turn, sing the song in French, then in English, then in Spanish, it'll make them happy.

The missed valve

It's your first day at NEON. Not as a journalist, no. You are at the lowest level of the hierarchy. You are THE INTERN. You watch for the slightest opportunity to release a little blagounette story to make you sympathetic. When one of your colleagues says that the day before he "got drunk", you cut him off to say that you, you "got drunk". You say it with a mocking smile that you wear as a trophy, but the guy quickly freezes, looks at you with a frightened expression, then leaves without saying anything. In the newsroom, silence is more painful than mocking laughter. From intern you became a ghost: good joke.

Our advice: stick to proven valves, such as those from Toto, or Carambar.

The gurgling

"Grrr...rrr...reour... grrrrrrrr." Your lover was leaning towards you, mouth half open, when your belly decided to growl. The longest gurgling in gurgling history. Not very surprising when you think about it: you were so stressed before your third date (THE third date, the one where the serious things begin) that you could not swallow anything. And now you pay for it. Your partner's pupils widen, then his gaze avoids yours, his mouth now resolutely closed. But your belly, he doesn't care, he is a love killer. He's hungry, so he continues his solo.

Our advice: sing louder than your belly, or try something like: “I’m hungry for you. “It can pass. Or not.

Thomas Weill

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